My name is Jennifer, and I am 38 years old and a mother of 2. When in my late teens, I thought I wanted to get married, settle down and have kids by the time I was 25 years old. Looking back, I feel that social pressure made me believe that was what I should do.
As I grew older, those ideas began to shift.
As I started building on my carrier and exploring life, I found myself desiring other things other than marriage and children. My 25th birthday came around, and I thought, “there is NO way I’m ready for marriage, let alone kids.” I started to explore my feelings deeper and discovered that I might not want to have kids at all.
When I spoke to others about it, they dismissed my feelings and felt that it was their duty to convince me that having a child is the greatest reward on the planet.
Or that it’s my duty as a woman to reproduce.
Or that I am excellent with kids and will make the best mom. Just because I could be good at something doesn’t mean I want to do it. To be honest, I never felt like I could talk to others about it because I was afraid of negative judgement as that was my experience in the past.
By the time I turned 30, my desire to have children had disappeared.
I was content with my life and moving forward with my carrier. I ended up getting married, but my husband supported my decision not to have children. At 35, I ended up with a surprise pregnancy that I didn’t want. I was the person everyone around would confide in about everything, but I felt so alone.
I knew others who were trying to get pregnant for so long or others that couldn’t get pregnant at all. I felt selfish. I was devastated. I had no desire to be pregnant, have a baby, or be a mother. I didn’t have anyone to talk to and say what I was really thinking and feeling. I was so worried about being judged, others dismissing how I was feeling, or trying to convince me that it’s not how I really feel or being told that those feelings would change.
I am going through with this project and sharing my story, so hopefully, others know that they are not alone.
Because I know I am not the only one.
Everyone deserves a safe space to vent and speak their true feelings. Have support without being judged and lifted up to be a stronger and empowered individual.
It doesn’t matter if it’s about going against society’s norms or doubting one’s self-worth.
We all just need to be genuinely heard and supported at the end of the day.
I am here for you.