Introduction to The Baby Experience

My name is Jennifer, and I am 38 years old. I am the mother of 2 beautiful girls who are 3yrs old and 8 months old. I have to start by saying it’s ok you didn’t want to have kids even though you have them. 

I love my children, but if you ask me now, I would admit that I would still feel the same if I went back in time and would not want to have a child. I used to feel guilty for having these feelings, but they are honest and authentic. 

I also think I’m not alone.

I think other women out there are afraid to talk about it because they fear being judged by others. 

I never really wanted to have kids or yearned for the life of motherhood. 

I never held a child and wished to have my own or had what is known as “baby fever”. I never thought my life was “missing something”. I didn’t dream about what life would be like with a little one running around. My life was great. I was a workaholic by choice, and my pace was go go go non-stop. 

As selfish as it may sound to others, I wasn’t interested in changing that. Some women love being a mother or those who yearn to have a baby, but that is just not me, and I know I’m not the only person out there who feels that way. 

I think that women need to support each other and not judge. There are all types of different situations out there. Mine may not be typical, but I hope reading about my experience helps other women to know they are not alone.

Marriage and kids were not on my priority list (or even on the list at all). I could function on less than 3 hrs of sleep and still be productive all day long. I didn’t have to answer to anyone, I looked a few years younger than I was, and my boobs looked great. I was sure it was because I didn’t have my own children sucking the life out of me. To be honest, many women I knew looked like they aged 5 to 10 years after having kids.

My partner would ask me here and there if I would ever get married and have kids. My answer was always, “I don’t know, maybe one day?”. After dating my partner for 7 years, in 2016, I finally said yes to getting married. He wanted children, and I was not really on board. 

Right after marriage, the questions would persist. Are you ready to have kids? My answer was always, “maybe one day but not now. Its just not a good time”. 

I just never felt the maternal instincts or desire to want to be a mother. 

I thought that answer would buy me time. I worked with children for 20 years, so it’s not that I didn’t like kids – I just didn’t want any of my own. People may think that’s selfish, but that’s just how I felt. However, although my husband was aware of my feelings towards having babies, he did want kids. 

He never gave up on attempting to persuade me.

— Jen Lee

The book, I feel guilty but not really, My first baby experience is scheduled to publish in early February. Join my mailing list for updates or click on the button below to pre-order your copy.

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