I believe that our feelings are real and true as that is what our perception is telling us. No one can tell you otherwise. However, our perception may be skewed and not entirely accurate. So I’ll ask again: What we see, how we feel, what we experience, are they real or a figment of our imagination?
For instance, a co-worker approaches you the day before your due to give a presentation.
They say, “I don’t feel good about this presentation we’ve done”. You instantly feel offended, angry, and upset. You think, “how dare they blame me and tell me that it’s my fault. That’s their problem if they are not happy with it. I’m not going to associate myself with this person anymore, I thought they liked me?”
Let’s pause right there. Your feelings are valid based on your perception, but how accurate are they?
First, did the co-worker blame you or said anything was your fault? Did they accuse you of poor work? Did they say they didn’t like you? Let’s take a quick look at it from another perspective.
Your co-worker’s statement was very vague. Maybe they were unhappy or disappointed about their work? Perhaps they wanted the project to be the best it could be before presenting. Maybe in their mind, they thought they were helpful, giving their honest opinion about the presentation, and they wanted you both to be as successful as possible?
After looking at it from another perspective, you feel that you may have overreacted.
Another example from my personal experience: One of my fellow coaches confided in me that they were heartbroken and sad. It showed in their coaching, and athletes were under the impression that the coach didn’t like them (which was not true at all).
The coach was going through some personal struggles, and they felt like they were a failure. We had a long talk where they vented about everything going on.
I was able to help them identify so many positives that they didn’t even realize were there. Every time we came up with another positive, they would say, “Ya, I guess that is true”. I could tell as we went along that their attitude began to change.
Eventually, a slight grin appeared on their face; they hugged me and thanked me for supporting and being there for them.
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They also said they felt much better. In the next class, I noticed they were like a different person. They were smiling and were much more engaged with the athletes.
They said that after our talk, they realized how much they had grown as an individual and that they had actually accomplished a lot.
I also gave them some insight into some of their other personal struggles. They said the strategies I offered to help were actually working.
How we perceive our reality affects how we see ourselves and the world around us. It would be nice if we all saw the world the same way, but we don’t.
Our brain and sensory system take our unique experiences and interpret them to create our own reality. Our perception can impact our overall well-being and state of mind. Our thoughts and feeling are valid, but sometimes our perception can be skewed.
It is one of the leading causes of personal conflicts and struggles.
Eventually, we start to believe that our perception is the only reality that exists; however, this is not true. We tend to forget that our perception of reality is subjective, not objective. Our perception can also be swayed or skewed by factors such as our emotions.
This belief can affect one’s ability to think clearly and make logical thoughts and decisions. This point is where an alternate perspective can help get your interpretation in check.
Seeing things from another perspective can help shed light on something that may not have been so obvious.
Getting an outside perspective requires recounting your experience as the other person listens and can help give you a chance to work through it more logically without fear of judgement and dismissal.
Someone who also acknowledges and understands that your feelings are valid and authentic can give you a sense of relief. Getting things “off your chest” can help alleviate stress and provide a sense of calmness. I know that talking through situations has helped me discover things that I didn’t even think were an issue.
For example, I discovered that I was unknowingly exposing myself to negative self-talk.
In my own experience, an outside perspective helped give me insight and understanding that I was not considering how certain situations were also affecting other people around me.
They help expose aspects that I didn’t consider. Talking things out and seeking an outside perspective has helped me tremendously. I know it has also effectively helped others.
I am very passionate and committed to helping others.
I am here to support and work with you and help you on your journey of discovery. I am only a click or phone call away.
— Jen Lee